别再问我家孩子的大学计划了

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这个 一个多对话——大学和学车——都可是我一个多让亲戚亲戚大伙儿午夜无法入睡的现实哪些地方的大问题的替身:亲戚亲戚大伙儿的孩子一年后就要离家了。桌面上不必再堆满书本,不再前要午夜的一杯杯茶。我想把余下的时间都用来执着于思考我的女儿会去哪里上大学。除了学费(深呼吸),目的地并完会我想掌控的。

她往后靠去,闭上了眼睛,就像她还是婴儿时在我的臂弯里打瞌睡一样。不知怎样,我应该 一时激动,我忘了当我午夜上床睡觉时她还趴在那本《愤怒的红心葡萄 》上,忘了她前要游上三英里,游完了头发完会被冻住。

我的亲戚大伙儿不禁大笑起来:“大伙儿说可是我噩梦!她不必停车让行人!”

From the locker room, she texts: “I’m doing my best. You know that, right? I’m under an insane amount of pressure.”

我第一次坐女儿开的车时,她没打转向灯就左抢挡 运动了。她说:“让我爱不爱我点好玩的事儿吧?我从来不打转向灯。”

我应该 再大家想和我讨论是选博雅还是“十大”时,你爱不爱我:“停,等等。车应学怎样?”

我女儿耸了耸肩——这是青少年的一个多莫尔斯代码,意思是:随便你啦/你不明白/朱莉娅的妈妈就允许她如此干。亲戚亲戚大伙儿开着车在镇上四处游荡时,她很放松,亲戚亲戚大伙儿去这儿买盒牛奶,去那儿接个姊妹。

距离女儿的驾驶考试只能四周的时间了。亲戚亲戚大伙儿——我是说,她——还如此掌握侧方停车,但她可能性能在新泽西的公路上泰然自若的行驶了,真适合她的上面名(Grace[优雅],她这个 年纪大半的女孩都叫这个 )。当亲戚亲戚大伙儿来到一个多四向停车路口时,她等了三辆车按顺时针顺序开过。其他,她慢慢地踩下了油门。她说,“轮到我了,”我知道。也正是可能性我知道,我才没向她大吼开快点。

她现在后后刚始于上高三,随之而来的是餐桌上厚厚的一摞课本。现在,每次我把车钥匙递给女儿,她完会说:“你开吧?这段时间我压力太满。”快一点 ,车道上堆满了树叶,她说那让她很紧张,不敢开到街上。万圣节她可是我能开车,可能性哪些地方地方“不给糖就捣蛋”的孩子。其他就下雪了。

I almost type, I am too — but then I realize, my stress is not her problem, just as her SAT isn’t mine. Instead I send a row of hearts.

这比对我吐露秘密前要好。我还记得被委托人刚拿到驾照时的感觉——它的热量,自由。我迫不及待地希望她上能 拥有这个 感觉。

After a two-month hiatus, I lose my cool with my daughter one night on the way to swim practice. Buckling my seatbelt, I hiss: “Next time you’re driving. I’m sick of being your chauffeur.”

I say: “That’s not a funny thing. You have to signal.”

我讨厌这个 哪些地方的大问题。要“选大学”的完会“亲戚亲戚大伙儿”,可是我我女儿。

我热爱这座城市,亲戚亲戚大伙儿选则它,是可能性它有着优秀的学校和质朴的家庭。这里完会那种别人会关心你的车子可能性草坪的郊区,但亲戚亲戚大伙儿会在意你的孩子去哪上大学。我也在意,但我也想确保我的女儿去了大学上能 照顾好被委托人。她会炒鸡蛋吗?会理财吗?会在坐满了人的房间里发言吗?我可能性帮不上她学三角函数,但我想告诉她哪些地方地方东西。我想教她怎样开车。

“亲戚亲戚大伙儿现在后后刚始于选学校何时?她选了十几个 个预修课程?她擅长体育吗?她是领导者吗?是志愿者吗?是优秀毕业生吗?”

This is better than a secret. I can still feel my first license in my hand — the heat of it, the freedom. I can’t wait for her to feel that, too.

我的回答会把谈话引向一个多方向之一,就像是“惊险岔路口”(Choose Your Own Adventure)。可能性我提出异议,亲戚亲戚大伙儿就现在后后刚始于感叹,现在的孩子压力太满,大伙儿说可怜。可能性我随声附和,亲戚亲戚大伙儿就会谈到:“亲戚亲戚大伙儿列好名单何时?”

Junior year starts, and with it comes a cityscape of fat textbooks on the dining room table. Now every time I hand over the keys, my daughter says: “Can you drive? This is a very stressful time in my life.” Soon there are leaf piles by the driveway, and she says they make her too nervous to pull into the street. She won’t drive on Halloween because of the trick-or-treaters. And then it snows.

She shrugs: Fine/I’m tired/Julia’s mom never yells.

She leans back and closes her eyes, looking the way she did as a baby dozing in my arms. Somehow in the heat of the moment, I forgot how she was hunched over “The Grapes of Wrath” when I went to bed at midnight; that she’s about to swim three miles and her hair will freeze afterward.

她耸了耸肩:行吧/我很累/茱莉亚的妈妈就不必大声嚷嚷。

Want to know a funny thing? This is a very stressful time in my life, too. I sit next to a colleague whose mother is my age. My jeans are snug. My eyebrows are balding. And I have a child who’s a junior in high school, which means that everywhere I go, people want to talk about one thing: college.

My friend bursts out laughing: “It’s a total nightmare! She doesn’t stop for pedestrians!”

“Have you started looking at schools? How many A.P. courses is she taking? Does she excel in a sport? Is she a leader? A volunteer? The valedictorian?”

我差点就回了一句,我也是——但我接着便意识到,我的压力并完会她的哪些地方的大问题,正如她的SAT考试完会我的哪些地方的大问题一样。于是,我发了一行爱心。

I hate this question. “We” aren’t going through the “college process”; my daughter is.

The next time I’m with someone who wants to talk about liberal arts versus Big Ten, I say: “Wait, hold on. How’s the driving going?”

From then on, for the rest of the summer, she drives us everywhere. According to suburban legend, teenagers are supposed to spill their secrets when you’re in the car together. This doesn’t happen with mine — it’s just a lot of questions about what we’re having for dinner. But one day, cruising down a quiet street, my daughter says, “I love driving.”

那个夏天接下来的时间里,亲戚亲戚大伙儿上哪完会她开车。有个郊区传说讲的是人在车里时,青少年会吐露被委托人的秘密。我和女儿的状况完会一个多 ——亲戚亲戚大伙儿讨论的完会晚餐吃哪些地方。不过有一天,她开车经过每根安静的街道时对你爱不爱我:“我很喜欢开车。”

I love my town, which we chose for its good schools and down-to-earth families. This is not a suburb where people care about your car or your lawn. But people do care where your kid is going to college. I care too, but I also want to make sure my daughter can take care of herself when she gets there. Does she know how to fry an egg? Manage money? Speak up in a crowded room? I may not be able to help with trigonometry, but I can show her these things. I can teach her how to drive.

“You know, in the long run, it doesn’t matter how you do on the SAT,” I say. “It matters whether you know how to parallel park. Driving is a life skill. You need to practice.”

你爱不爱我:“这完会哪些地方好玩的事儿。你前要打转向灯。”

一天晚上,我和丈夫与刚从日本回来的其他亲戚大伙儿共进晚餐。亲戚亲戚大伙儿入睡时,丈夫说,“我宁愿谈论广岛可是我想谈论大学——我这是怎样了?”

The first time I drive with my daughter, she makes a left turn without putting on her blinker. She says: “Want to know a funny thing about me? I never signal.”

让我爱不爱我点好玩的事吧?这段时间,我也很有压力。坐在我旁边的同事,妈妈跟我一个多年纪。我的牛仔裤太紧了。我的眉毛更稀了。我的孩子上高三了,这是意味,无论我走到哪儿,亲戚亲戚大伙儿都想谈论一件事:大学。

One night my husband and I have dinner with friends who just got back from Japan. As we’re falling asleep, my husband says, “What does it say about me that I’d rather talk about Hiroshima than college?”

她从更衣室里发来短信:“我在拼尽全力了。你是知道的吧?我压力大得完会疯了。”

My daughter shrugs — an adolescent Morse code meaning: Whatever/You don’t get it /Julia’s mom lets her do it. She’s relaxed as we tool around town, picking up a carton of milk here, a sibling there.

My daughter’s driving test is four weeks away. We — I mean she — hasn’t mastered parallel parking, but she has navigated New Jersey’s highways with aplomb befitting her middle name (Grace, like that of half the girls her age). When we arrive at a four-way stop, she waits for three cars to go in clockwise order. Then she slowly presses her foot on the gas. She says, “My turn,” and I know it is, and the knowing keeps me from barking at her to go faster.

间隔了一个多月后的一天晚上,我在送她去游泳训练的路上终于沉不住气了。我一边系安全带,一边怒气冲冲地说道:“下次你来开。经常 当你的司机我受够了。”

Depending upon my answers, the conversation splits, Choose Your Own Adventure-style, in one of two directions. If I demur, I land in the chapter about how sad it is that our kids are so overstressed. If I play along, we arrive at, “Have you guys made your list yet?”

Both conversations — college and driving — are stand-ins for the real subject that’s keeping us up at night: Our kids are leaving home in a year. No more books all over the table, no more late-night cups of tea. I don’t want to spend our remaining time obsessing about where my daughter is going to college. Except for the tuition (deep breath), the destination is beyond my control.

“随便说说 ,从长远来看,你的SAT考得怎样样太满重要,”你爱不爱我。“重要的完会让我不必侧方停车。驾驶是生活技能。你得练习。”

Stop Asking About My Kid’s College Plans

别再问隔壁家孩子的大学计划了

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